MYSELF.

Shikin Razali
turning 19
070888
Student of RP
Diploma in Business Application


Exits

aisyah
azy
cindy
clara
debbie
dinee
diy
egg
hui yan
idah
illy
itah
jkin
kai ling
lyana
naq
phifie
shikin
terence
valda
wany


Talks




Music



Pasts

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design;emptiness.
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URge!

Posted on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 21:39 - Link

now wen i g0t the urge to write up an entry,
the other blog decided to be on maintenance..
idiotic lah! all the blog i used seem to have problems!
and dis makes me wanna go and create another blog...
over at blogger or sumting...
but blogger is known by many lah!
we shall see how..

am rather tired with wateva is happening rite nw
from school, to pp to the life i went thru..
i cant deny that am happy wif sum stuffs!
having loverboy wif me almost all the time juz make me happy!
that idiotic boifren of mine never fails to irritate me..
n dat makes me happy...
having brenda and siti as a neighbour felt good!
i entered their class and their entered mine like nobody business
n dey've been dere all this while
and i love them both

to you-know-who
i noe we've been drifting apart..
n am not sure if dat post is for me..
it's reali meant for me
am sori...
but since u're minding ur own business
i shall too..
like u said.. tings will never be the same..

sometimes i wonder wats the cause of all this?
is it by me having a boifren nw?
am i spending too much time wif him tat i neglect ma frens?
i dunno...
am too tired to tink abt all dis..
i juz dun understand...
but i muz sae.. am happy wif ma life now....


Saye Ngantok!!!

Posted on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 at 15:32 - Link


accounting is super dreadful!
half the class were already day dreaming...
am trying ma very best to keep maself awake!!!!
i sleepylah!!!
and i still haf to stay in skul to study afta skul
can weekend come fasta???

- i need hugs!
- i need a shoulder to cry on
- i need someone to listen to my whining
- i need someone to listen to my complains
- i need someone to pamper me with ma needs!
eh mr. asyraf! can gif me all tat not???

i juz dun get wat u wan exactly
am tired tinking bout it......
just go....


Bliss!

Posted on Tuesday, July 24, 2007 at 21:14 - Link

daes been great!
but as usual am just exhausted with skul....
just 3 more weeks more to go and i can haf ma holidaes!
am too tired that i prefer to spend the weekends at home
sometimes i wonder how the people who work in the weekend can cope
i cannot lah! i so0o0o tired oreadi!

skul been great!
in fact it have been lovely....
i still manage my time well to spend with the loves...
and am getting closer with raja!
and speaking about him,
am toking to him right now!
tk senang nak update!
but i prefer for us to stay dis way..
and he's been super duper irritating dis few daes!
mcm nak kene jage baby tau!
but i still adore him though!

3 more daes to itah's brother wedding!
ehem! itah wat we've been waiting for
aku tk nak buat keje eh!

da la eh..
i wanna sleep...

now that i've tout i've move on
fatboy been sweet again....


i tink....

Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 at 22:36 - Link


i tink am in lurve with the boy who loves to be mention
he makes ma dae todae!
but he's such  a pain in the ass when he starts to get noisy...
i wan more of him!
yes raja! i wan more of u!

LOVES.....

Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 at 22:12 - Link

i love love dis few days...
am a happy appy gal!!!
though it's freaking tiring with skul and netball game last weekend
and yes we won!!!
but it's to0o0o tiring having to wake up in the early morning..
and start playing wen am still half awake

am tired of skul oreadi lah
every day am doing the same thing
and the problems are getting tougher each week
am trying very hard to cope!
but i love ma break outs!
coz i spent it with the loves most of the time!
the first break out with the gfs
the 2nd with my jalan partner brenda
and that boy who loves to be mention!
he's been such a sweet dis few daes!
and i love having break out with him!
i still squeeze some time to spend with azy!
see i manage my time well...

n yes... i've start ngaji back!
i wanna katam lah...
i tink it's time lah..
it's time to change for the betta kz...
went to visit the uncle the other dae
and i was amazed by how much he had change
i cant even see his tattoo on his arms nemore!
and the way he asked me bout ma sibling,
from the tone of his voice i knew he was concern
i wish he do change for the betta......

am chatting with mahathir now
and he juz got discharged from the hospital
he got into a hit and run....
and his bike is now at the workshop while he still thinking if he should proceed with the repair
crazy guy.. go repair je lah!
no wonder have not been seeing him online..
one lucky guy lah him!
sometimes i miss him!
those time we were close...
ouh.. to those who dont know,
mahathir was the guy whom fatboy caught me red handed with!

he's been missin
n i dunno if i shuld still care......


I StresSSSS lah!

Posted on Friday, July 13, 2007 at 23:09 - Link

my entry hilang again lah
n i lazy wanna update it all back!
i tired uh...
i wan to mengamok oso i tired...
how???

raja muhd asyraf wans me to mention bout him
nak aje die menyelit!
he like tau his name being mention

klah netball game tmr!
i wanna pack and sleep

i stresssssss lah!



Sangat - Sangat!!!

Posted on Thursday, June 28, 2007 at 01:13 - Link

i just put down the fon wif raja muhd asyraf
and i juz cant seem to get maself asleep
n it's all because of him......
make me think about fatboy!!
he was busy missing farhana!
eh.. i jealous ok!!!
he decided nt to come tmr
which makes me think if i should come too....

training was ok onli..
for the fact that we juz practice on strategies
i hate strategies!!
i juz find it of no use..
but i had fun running and jumping and shooting and sweating all over again!!


saw lotsa ex pasirians one after another
and it's good to see them all over again
it makes me miss being back in sec oreadi
can i turn back time?

if i can turn back time
i wont deny fatboy is ma boifren
if i can turn back time
i wont show fatboy all the attitudes
if i can turn back time
i will do anything to make the relationship work

it's funny that our ex-es have move on
but we still not
am missing u sangat- sangat!!!!


Selfish!

Posted on Sunday, June 24, 2007 at 23:47 - Link

- the mood is still not there
- the feeling of lost is still strong
- he called
- i missed him
- he said am the most selfish gal he noes...
- am terribly sori...
- can we mit tmr? coz am missing u...
- stop asking is it a yes or a no?
- am totally torn!
- fatboy been reali nice
- which makes me feel even more confused

but on a lighter note, i found maself a new love!





thanx mum and dad!
u pamper me a lot!!!!!
i lurve both of  u a lot too!!!!!!!

am happy yet sad....

ps: i hate you more than i love you...
trust me on this....


like shyte!

Posted on Friday, June 22, 2007 at 15:01 - Link

shits haf been happening
and am not coping it well...
it sucks big time...
really....

all i've been doing is juz listen to lotsa music...
having very slow walk.........
lots and lotsa tinking.......
staring into space.............
taking long bus rides and force maself not to sleep!

no reasons why...
but i've been crying at inappropriate timings..
during the walk back home..
chatting on msn..
i breakdown easily..
as soon as i saw the W16H ppl juz now and met itah
i juz breakdown again..
i juz need a really quiet place right now
so that i can juz cry ma hearts out
finish all the tears i haf...........
really life's been really bad...

fatboy disappoint me like hell!!!
and the point of time i stop denying that i do haf feelings for raja muhd asyraf
and he haf owaes been dere for me,
he decided to leave...
yes! leave.... he felt that i've been using him..
i haf nuthin to sae but juz agree to his want...
frens.. tats wat we are...
it's different......

indeed i've been living in denial.........


Blessing In Disguise!

Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 at 14:07 - Link


dats wat happen in the morning while i was otw to skul
credits to dinee for the drawing
the bus tyre decided to punctured in the middle of expressway before seletar
and all of us have to alight from the bus to get into another one
the whole bus was filled wih republicans lah
sum of them even walk to seletar camp to get into another bus
while the rest just waited for "rescue"
and i muz sae it was hectic + hilarious +  worthwhile

we waited for almost an hour to be rescued
and while waiting we took pix lah
thinkin bout all the nonsensical things to be rescued lah
and witness 2 accident!
the first was btween a bike and a lorry...
the 2nd was btween a taxi and a car
i think uh both engrossed looking at us that they didnt pay attention to the traffic
end up the guy from the 2nd accident even took a pic of us
mcm anak terbiar we all for a moment!

poor thing lah the guy with the bike
his bike died on him
and he too join us at the roadside!
i swear he's super duper cute!!!
with his no.3 army uniform all!
the gals dere were like all toking bout him!
farhati even took a shot on him...
and when our rescuer came he took the bus wif us!
and he stand right behind me!
his name is Muhd Faidhi!

and the ah pek can still sae "bye! see you tomorrow!"
stupid ah pek!
and one of the guys remind him to pump his tyre...
and my faci still marked me late although i have valid reason!
stupid btol!!!!!

and yes! am disappointed wif fatboy for not telling me he shifted again
da pindah baru blang!
bodo btol!
and i dunno wats wif asyraf!
am missing him!!!!!
a little too much than usual


Lost!

Posted on Wednesday, June 20, 2007 at 22:54 - Link

am freaking tired now!
i juz reached home from accompanying idah to mira's chalet!
and idah sanggup travel to east for her intention to see her eyecandy!
and it was worthwhile kan go dere???

wat a small werld this werld is....
idah know ma ex bf brother!
it was funny how we wanna confirm that it is the right guy!
indeed it was!!!
idah!! he's a very nice guy lah!
juz like his brother!

no reasons why....
but a confession to make...
i miss raja muhd asyraf!
it felt different not having him ard...
i felt lost........


Targets!

Posted on Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 22:06 - Link

School have officially start yest
and am oreadi wear out
i hate the morning wake ups!
seeing the twins sleep back afta their prayers
makes me wanna jump on the bed back too!
but the motivation of seeing the dearest frens makes the laziness in me juz go away!
i lurve dem lots lah!!!

UT's grades are out and am kinda ok with it.
not that satisfied though!
and damn! C+ for accounting??????
that's so not shikin!
i juz can't get theory qns right lah!
am juz hoping that ma GPA will not drop any further
the target will still be above 3.0
which means... i hafta work harder!

as am typing this entry am yawning away
am juz so freaking sleepy right now...
my brain is dead...
i still hafta iron the clothes for tmr
and pack the bag....
ok that's so random...

i swear i cant think on what more to update
till the next entry lah eh....

ouh ya! another motivation for sch found!!!



Exactly a Year Ago...

Posted on Saturday, June 16, 2007 at 21:43 - Link



exactly a year ago,
he said "i dun wan u anymore"
now, wateva happens a year ago still lingers in ma mind....
it has been a year..
never a dae he's not in ma mind

and am still waiting patiently for his replacement
may it come sooner....
coz it had been very difficult...
am still trying to get back on ma own feet...
am still trying to be strong....

i can't believe it either


reminiscence

Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 23:32 - Link


last year, at this point if time
i was busy fighting to save my relationship
i was busy trying to make fatboy stay
i was busy wasting ma tears every moment
i was busy making the effort all alone
i was busy convincing fatboy
i was busy being afraid that it's gonna end
i was busy acting that am still the 1st in his life
i was busy enduring what i went thru................

and this year, at this point of time
i am busy thinking of him
i am busy missing him
i am busy acting strong
i am busy going thru this
i am busy believing that as though am still his gal
i am busy acting that he haf no replacement of me
i am busy miting him secretly without his gf knowing
i am still busy wasting ma tears for him........

i am a very busy woman when it comes to fatboy
is it worth it?



.............................

Posted on Saturday, June 9, 2007 at 19:06 - Link


i hate it when the bloody red month is cuming!
coz everythin in me or ard me juz seem so wrg
- the stomach starts to feel bloated
- pimples starts to appear
- craving for sweet stuffs
- the hair is getting very dry
- the appetite starts to grow big
- the emotion is driving me nuts..
it aint easy...

am left wif only 1 week of hols
and am nt gonna whine bout it coz i simply cant wait for sch to reopen!


ThE Holidaes Are Here!!!!

Posted on Monday, June 4, 2007 at 22:22 - Link

finally!! what i've been waiting for..
the holidaes!!!!!!!!!!!
though it's onli 2 weeks, it didnt reali matter!
coz am sure g0nna spend it well....

school been reali2 stressful
it's juz diff to cope and maintain grades for certain modules!
guess i can kiss goodbye for a good GPA...
and ma PP have yet to be approved!!!!
am juz waiting for it to be approved and am gonna start on it strt away!

enuf of skul...
life's been fine...
frens been great!!!
raja muhd asyraf???
is gettin cheekier each dae!

orites!! some overdue pix during Janet's last dae wif us
no more accounting lessons wif her!
she's gonna be gone for her delivery....








am mitng the ladies tmr!!
and i cant wait to mit dem!!!
updates updates updates!!!!!!


Am Moving Back!

Posted on Monday, June 4, 2007 at 20:00 - Link

am moving back to this!
i find it easier to use this than the other one
and....
clearblogs started to have pop up ads on it!
it gets on ma nerve everytime i have to close it...
am juz praying that this blog wont give me problems like it used to!

n ouh.. am tinkin if i shuld publicize this blog now....
should i or shuld it not???

o btw...
the ting at the top of the blog...
i juz dunnoe how to get rid of it or at least move it elsewhere....


Not the only One!!!!

Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 09:24 - Link

it seems dat am not the only one who is being emo!!!
everyone is too!!!!
at least the ppl i noe....
we shall go thru dis moment together!!!

am in no mood for skul..
am goin off and hopefully fatboy is nice enuf to mit me!


Suck-iest feeling

Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 at 15:28 - Link

am being so0oo emo dis few daes
n i've no reasons why..
i juz miss the fatboy too much!
i miss him even more than how i used to!
he's stuck on ma head 24/7
n i realized i've been toking bout him a lot to ppl

crying maself to sleep is not doing me any good..
i juz wanna be in his arms at this pt of time
n i wonder how is he doing wif his gf...
easy said....
can i juz have him back????


Wish I could press rewind 

and rewrite every line

To the story of me and you



Don’t you know I've tried and I've tried

To get you off my mind

But it don’t get no better

As each day goes by

And I'm lost and confused

I've got nothing to lose

Hope to hear from you soon

P.S. I'm still not over you

it's not that i didnt...
but i tried...




When Jealousy Strikes!

Posted on Thursday, May 24, 2007 at 21:29 - Link

i was otw home wif asyraf in the bus
when somethin sudd strikes me..

we were toking bout iyliee...
and i was telling him how cute and fortunate she is..
how loving her relationship is and all
tat actually make me jealous of her..

than the conversation chge to asyraf (sepet)
we were toking about him and his gf...
asyraf was telling me how sweet these 2 couple are
and if there were to be an award for "Couple of the Year",
he will award it to them..
i was telling asyraf again....
tat am jealous with ili coz she got asyraf (sepet)...

finally, we were toking bout illy
how asyraf used to have a crush on her
and the conversation he had wif mus (illy's bf)
i was telling asyraf that i love reading illy's blog
coz i find her life so fun and she haf such a sweet boifren
and tat makes me come up wif a conclusion that am jealous with her life too.....

that was wen i realized that am jealous with 3 gals whu shared the same name!
iyliee, ili and illy
though the spelling is different
it's still pronounced the same way!

am juz jealous with these 3 gals.
jealous in a good way though
i love reading their blogs! coz it will juz make me smile to myself
seeing them having such a wonderful life
although there are ups and downs
it didnt really matter coz they are happy again the next dae...
especially when they blog about their boifrens...
it juz seems soo0o0 sweet...
and i miss all that...

sometimes i wonder if i can at least feel what they feel...


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